Teen performance struggles? One piece of it: They just want your love.

Transitioning to a mini adult in sport and life.

We all can struggle with changes and transitions at times. For sure! For teens and young adults life is full of transitions inside and out. Middle school to high school, high school to college, moving up a level in sport or moving to a new skill or performance level. And a big part of this is gaining independence like driving or getting your first job. But I think sometimes we forget that these changes permeate all of life including the things we do for challenge and fun, like our sport. For example it seems like a big jump happens around the 12-15 year old age group and can be different for each kid or sport. This correlates with big physical changes but also social constructs of becoming adult. Many cultures have religious or social ceremonies to mark entering into adulthood around the teen years including: bar/bat mitzvah in Judaism, quinceanera in Latin cultures, confirmation in Catholicism or even getting your drivers license or getting married.

Independence and support.

Performance struggles can look like overthinking, low confidence, worry, stress, choking or even wanting to quit. It can feel heavy!!! This can be when parents or the teen seek help or therapy for stress and anxiety. I find that one thing central to the struggles at this time, is the feeling of wanting to both gain independence and keep support and approval from parents. This can feel like wanting to make more of their own decisions about what sports they play and what teams they are on etc. but being really afraid to disappoint a parent- especially to a more perfectionist athlete. It can be them choosing to start a new training plan, like lifting on their own. And it can be about the changing of the relationship and the family dynamic. Perhaps now they drive to their own games or want to go with friends and this can feel like distance. It can be about noticing that what worked for them last year doesn’t work now. For example last year they wanted you to coach them and help with training, but this year they need a little more lead way and room to try they own approach. They will make mistakes, as we all do, but can utilize parental support to stay motivated and come back resilient. And a big part of it is that they just want to know that they are loved no matter how they do and the mistakes they make as they try things just a little more on their own.

How to really take it on as their own.

They want and need that validation that they can start to make their own decisions in their sport and that they will be supported. As they are ready, this independence will help and can coincide with the internalization of all aspects of their training and taking it more on as their own. Yes it takes a whole team to support the athletes at the highest levels and many speak about how they don’t do it on their own. Yet they are also generally the only ones out there on the field, in the arena, on the bike etc when it comes down to performance times. So it’s all about navigating that balance of leading and support in that parent child relationship as they work through these transitional times.

Sending love to parents!

Oh and parenting is tough! If anything- this is just a different version of the push and pull of the parent child relationship that has been happening since birth. In toddlerhood they use “no” to begin their independence. With each growth spurt they need a little more freedom, and then a little more, with boundaries, love and support. It’s hard and painful for the parent heart. But it’s also crucial to helping them navigate these changes in performance to both keep and deepen the parent child bond and give them the tools to succeed on their own in sport and life.

Hi, I’m Erin. I specialize in the issues and skills of elite youth sport and performance. I help parents navigate this transition, model performance skills and bring peace to the athletic family.

If you ready to get started, message me today for your free 15 minute consultation. I look forward to connecting with you!